You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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