who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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