I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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