I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
