You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
