I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
