You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
