..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
