All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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