I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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