no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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