first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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