so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
