I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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