could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
