All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think my moral compass just broke
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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