So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
