Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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