DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
