im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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