Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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