I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
