We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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