i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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