one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
