my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
