I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
