I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
