She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just pynch a tree in the face
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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