i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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