grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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