I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
