I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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