You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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