today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize