I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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