; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
