It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
this hospital has no fireball
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
