drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
