he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Your penis caused this!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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