He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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