My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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