Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
