I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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