So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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