I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
