things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
