I could have mohawked her pubes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My balls are so social today.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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