Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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