Please, let me fuck your mom
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
