I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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