Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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