never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
