I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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