Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.