First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
