That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will