Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
