i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
