Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was born a porn star she said
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize