Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
