Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
