I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
