That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
