I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
