saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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