i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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