Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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