took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
