dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
